In the words of Lauryn Hill, “It could all be so simple.” Let’s be real for one second. Making friendships in your 20’s is hard AF. It doesn’t make sense and to be honest, I’m a bit embarrassed to be writing this. Nice people deserve friends and I’m nice, right? I wish it were that simple... As a career woman in her mid-20’s living in one of the largest and greatest cities in the world (LA), I have had to confront a hard truth - making friends is hard.
I always assumed I would have my “tribe” around me. I thought that they would be with me for the big life moments, vacays, and Sunday brunches. I want that. I see that around me, yet for some reason it isn’t my reality. I used to be ashamed to talk about this but I’ve learned a few things in my 20’s when it comes to friendships.
A LOT of change is happening. Therefore, making friendships can feel extra difficult and fickle. And even with the friendships you do have, a lot of your old friendships may end or transition into a new type of relationship. Why? Because you are growing. Your understanding of self is evolving, and your needs are being made clear. Suddenly those friendships that were placed upon us by default environments may not hold up to the emotional needs you now have and desire to be fulfilled.
So if you are in your 20’s and find yourself feeling alone and mad at yourself for not having more friends, know that you are not alone. Most of us feel that way. There is no shame in stating that you wish you had more friends. Remember, that your acknowledgement of a need for what you don’t have makes room for what is to come.
And if you’re serious about finding friends now, chase after what you love. This could be a hobby, a career, or spiritual group. Find an environment that cultivates what you love and you’ll find your people there too.
I always assumed I would have my “tribe” around me. I thought that they would be with me for the big life moments, vacays, and Sunday brunches. I want that. I see that around me, yet for some reason it isn’t my reality. I used to be ashamed to talk about this but I’ve learned a few things in my 20’s when it comes to friendships.
- Most people's deepest and longest friends were there because of fundamental systems (ie: being neighbors, going to elementary school together, or being on a sports team). All of these environments were chosen for us. We didn’t have a say in where we lived or where we went to school. The adults chose for us. They scheduled the play dates and birthday parties, not us.
- The other largest group of friends seems to come from college. This is hard because not everyone goes to college and for those who do, every experience is different. Some can afford to go to big schools where you stay on campus. Whereas others go to a community college where there are no dorms or as many extracurricular activities. And some might have the traditional experience and still not find their people and that is okay.
A LOT of change is happening. Therefore, making friendships can feel extra difficult and fickle. And even with the friendships you do have, a lot of your old friendships may end or transition into a new type of relationship. Why? Because you are growing. Your understanding of self is evolving, and your needs are being made clear. Suddenly those friendships that were placed upon us by default environments may not hold up to the emotional needs you now have and desire to be fulfilled.
So if you are in your 20’s and find yourself feeling alone and mad at yourself for not having more friends, know that you are not alone. Most of us feel that way. There is no shame in stating that you wish you had more friends. Remember, that your acknowledgement of a need for what you don’t have makes room for what is to come.
And if you’re serious about finding friends now, chase after what you love. This could be a hobby, a career, or spiritual group. Find an environment that cultivates what you love and you’ll find your people there too.
